Oh the Phases We Go Through

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart and fills many hours of my thinking time -- the phases and stages of childhood. We all know the famous stages-- the terrible twos, the torturous threes. Coming into parenthood, I don't think you're really aware of the distinctness of childhood phases. I know I wasn't it. And I certainly didn't realize that there were so many of them. Sometimes it has seemed like a wall was actually erected in the center of my time. One day, my daughter is a two and the next day, a three with all news skills, habits and challenges.

That's not an exaggeration at all. You would think that you would see a child develop skills but often times it doesn't happen that way. They just wake up and those skills are there. And it happens so frequently too!

I remember a specific day when Maddie was three months old. Actually, it was this day:

It was about midday. I had been with her all day, giving her my full attention. And then I set her down in a bouncy chair. Maybe it was the way the light hit her or the angle I was looking at her, but I thought, 'She's not a newborn anymore. Now she's a baby.' And every so often after that, the same thing would happen.

I always considered myself to be predisposed towards motherhood. It's pretty much all I've ever wanted to do with any constancy. I read all the books when I was pregnant and have always enjoyed parenting books or other sources of learning more. I've never really felt clueless and have always adored playing with kids of all ages.

But the phases have been my one tripping block. The rapidity of change and the stubbornness of it all. (Mine or hers? Maybe a little of both!) There's something in my Type A personality that calls out to be in control and a phase really just juts you right out of that well-worn path and into the rough. It sneaks up on you like it's a problem to fix. I know there have been many a time when I have said to my mother, "We're having a problem with x or y behavior." And then a few months later, I have the epiphany, "That wasn't a problem that Maddie was having. She had changed! She was a bigger kid with different views, different needs, different skills. And I was still treating her like she was younger."

This popped up just a few months ago when I was finding that she was having tantrums for the first time ever. I searched for answers online, looked for parenting books on the subject, asked my mom for advice, puzzled and puzzled to find a solution. I started thinking about "What to Expect When You're Expecting." But what I'd like to see is "What to Expect When You Have a Four-Year-Old." Well, ta-da! They have those -- just by a different publisher. I quickly ordered "Your Four-Year-Old" and as I read the first chapter I discovered my problem was typical behavior of fours and surprise, surprise -- a phase. I was very tempted to order the whole series straight through until Your-Eighteen-Year-Old. But, I stuck with just the one book for now.

Though Maddie really does change phases on the actual day of her birthday (no kidding, I should have noticed this trend sooner and saved myself a lot of frustration), I am going to linger a little bit longer over the four-year-old phase. Somehow as she has gotten older the phases are stretched out more -- or perhaps, I've just gotten used to the idea of change.

I have found myself really struggling with this most recent phase. There's so much frustration involved in being a four-year-old! Everything changes about the way they play. I used to lead the way and plan out activities and experiments. Now Maddie will ask for a project but the truth is, she has her own in mind. (It's a wonderful change to have on my hands!) That's the reason that I have been blogging less and less. I've been flummoxed. I won't deny it, I've been struggling to find my parenting groove and done less educational play than I would like. Because I've been flummoxed (and also maybe mindless as I noted in my previous post!)

But this phase is also a great divide. When babies grow into toddlers and toddlers into preschoolers, there is such a flow to the transition. Because they are still your baby. Alas, preschooler to kindergartener seems to be a chasm. I may not be ready to jump just yet.

Phases

Today was a lovely day. For some amazing reason everything just went my way. The culmination of that day was coming home to a daughter who was cheerful, calm but playful, and brimming with excitement about her day.

On June 6, Maddie turned four. Almost to the day, she announced she would no longer nap -- and boy did she mean it. I think that child has only napped about five times all summer. Any time I take her for a ride in the late afternoon, she conks out after about five minutes of drive time. As soon as we get home, I carry her in, set her down on the couch, and she pops up saying crabbily, "I am not napping. I do not take naps." The crabbiness sometimes continues through the rest of the day. Sometimes, far too frequently lately, we also bridge into the realm of rambunctious. Over tired would be my word. But, she does not take naps. I can hear that independent, grown-up emphasis in her voice.

Today was not one of those rambunctious days, because today after Pre-K she took the nap that her little body so desperately needed.

And as I enjoyed the playful time with my darling girl, it reminded me that with the many issues that we moms struggle with -- the balance of time, the battle with patience, the need to discipline, the urge to coddle -- perhaps the greatest is the amazing shift of phases.

Any mom will know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. It seems that kids change phases at least every six months. More when they're babies. You get everything running smoothly and all of a sudden, every routine and every pattern suddenly becomes a frustration. And then you know, 'Whoops! New phase!" Usually this whole process takes place exactly one day after you've figured out your last phase. With Maddie, she changes her phase like clock work. "Oh, today's my birthday? Let's switch things up!" It's a transparent attempt to keep me jumping. I know what she's up to.

As Maddie entered the four phase, I suddenly found myself struggling not only with the new napless wonder, but also a need to scream loudly, repeat everything I say, the development of snark, and my favorite giving puppy dog kisses. Somehow, I will find a way to figure it all out -- but if any of my loyal readers have advise on the fours or want to regale me with their own tales of four I would be happy to hear!

Maddie's Project

I recently read a New York Times article on Melissa and Doug and their story of the company that makes toys that promote an imaginative spark. As I read the article, I wondered if we are too materialistic in our house. Do we rely on the easy toy to entertain?
And then yesterday, Maddie said, "I want to make a car." I back-seated this conversation* and tried to see if she could own her craft project.

(*back-seating a conversation: you know, when you hold your breath and see what they'll say next and try not to steer. Comments like "wow" and "and then what" are key to the back-seater. Man, I should TM this team.)

I was shocked to see that she could establish her own plan to build a car. And here it is.
How-to-Build a Car by Maddie




First, you need a big box.
Then you stick on paper using tape.




Next you color the inside. (We used bingo dabbers which worked out amazingly!)




Paint two sides blue for the windows.




You might need to get under the hood.




Cut out four big, black circles and four little, white circles. Glue the white circles on the black circles and you have some tires. Stick two on each side with tape.




Cut out a cardboard circle and color it.




This will be your steering wheel. You can stick it on with yarn. (I interpreted this as make two holes in the wheel and the box and thread it on as you would a button.




Cut out a hole for your feet. (I suggested yarn suspenders to help her carry it around.)




And that's a car. (Wow, my house is a mess. But look at that cute kid!)




Look out! Here she comes!

Boredom Busters

I think I'm finally starting to figure out three-year-olds! This is great news as Maddie turns four this week. It means my learning curve is exactly one year behind.

I think the secret to threes is being prepared to direct a three to something that will keep them interested. Sometimes it's a kick start for independent play so you can get stuff done. Sometimes it's just shake all the energy out with something really active.

I found a lot of help with this book:



Unplugged Play by Bobbi Conner, available here.

Unplugged Play is all about promoting old fashioned play --the simple games and activities we used to do as kids. Before Toys R Us convinced us we needed 10,000 toys and Siri became my nanny.

One of the things I love about this book is the cupboard list. I have two boxes in my house where I collect play possible items: toilet paper rolls, egg cartons, old TV dinner trays, etc... But Conner suggests some things that I never would have thought about and helps you get a vision for what to do with them.

When I first read the book, I started folding over corners, but I would forget about the things I wanted to try.




So I made this, my boredom buster bottle.

All of my favorite activities were written on large, colored Popsicle sticks. The sticks are color coded: red, easy independent play; yellow, needs some mom help; and green, outdoor play ideas.



Each stick has the name of the activity in bold. On the back is the page number of the activity description and the materials needed.

That way, I can tell Maddie, "Pick a red one!" Then I can read the instructions and know that I have all the necessary items (or tell her to try again.)

And hopefully this will keep us happy for a while, because Conner has activities all the way through school ages.

Her Own Experiment

Maddie set up her own science experiment today. And let me tell you, it was multifaceted.

First, she got some cups of water and put coins in to see if they floated. Hypothesis: they will sink. Conclusion: they sunk.

Second she put pieces of marker-colored coloring pages in the water and discovered the water changed color.

All I had to do was ask her why, and she started trying to use pieces of paper with different colors in different cups (I.e. a red page in one cup, a green in another). She even tested what would happen if she put two colors in the same glass. (I'm thinking a paper making craft may be in our not too distant future.)

It's pretty gratifying to see that she's interesting in experiments and can even set something up by herself to test her ideas.

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Tink Day! and Our Senses: Part 3

Some of you may not be up on your Pixie Hollow lore, but yesterday was a big day. Tinkerbell and the Secret of the Wings came out on dvd.


Yup, we had a copy on reserve for us at Barnes and Noble. I came very close to blowing it all when I forgot my wallet. But I was able to scrounch up enough change to cover our bill.


When we got home we put on our Tinkerbell green.


Maddie got a little more into the festivities, wearing last year's costume (made with love by Grandma).

And then we settled in for our movie night, with a feast worthy of the Winter Woods (that's the setting of this movie, Tinkerbell-novices).



Fondue! This is a really mild version, found in Rachael Ray magazine from October 2008 (yup, found that laying around my house and it proved pretty useful!) I know i said mild fondue and the recipe actually says spicy, but i just skipped the chipotles -- thus mild. For the preschool edition of fondue, I made everything on the stove then transferred to my fondue pot but without a flame. We used hot dogs, broccoli, apples and pretzel sticks for dunking.



Then came this delectable dessert fondue, from the same Rachael Ray magazine: Butterscotch Fondue.



This time we used more pretzel sticks and apples, plus marshmallows, grapes and Annie's organic bunnies.

After the movie we played a little game to learn about our hearing: Tinkerbell Hide and Seek.



I tied some jingle bells around Tink's hair -- very appropriate since Tinkerbell jingles when she talks. Then we took turns hiding with Tinkerbell and making her jingle. Maddie learned she could follow the sound to find Tinkerbell.



She got pretty into it. Maddie and Tink hide behind a shelf and a closet in the pictures above. Now maybe when we play hide and seek, Maddie will remember this and be quiet when hiding. Probably not.

Our Senses: Part 2 - Sight

Maddie and I are learning about our senses this month. This little experiment is a bit of a scavenger hunt and applies to our sense of sight. (Plus it lets us play with technology!)

For set-up, I took close up photos of 12 things throughout our living/dining room.



Here are four images (clockwise from top left: our couch, a wicker chair, a photo bulletin board, our parquet floors.)

Next I gave Maddie my phone so she could try to match the photos up with the item.



You better believe that my sarcophagus cd case made it in this project!


A pillow made with ribbons from our wedding.



Maddie's book basket.

(If you're not a fan of kids using phones/cameras, you could also print photos.)

Maddie loved this game. She only had trouble with one or two pictures. And at the end, she told the cat, "I am so proud of me."

The nice thing about this was that our discussion of what we see also involved a discussion about how things look like they feel. Visual texture can be a bit hard to grasp, but this popped right into the discussion.

I'm working on another project on the senses. Check back for more next week!

Food Stamping

A little food crafting for you all! Maddie and I did some old fashioned stamping using fruits and veggies.




We used apples, lemons, celery, romaine lettuce and potatoes (cut into shapes.)




I used the last of my salt to create this puffy paint (recipe here on Pinterest.)




Maddie loved using the celery, which came out looking kind of like a rose.




Even I learned a cool fact during this project. Did you know if you slice an apple around the middle you get a star shape?




Truthfully, this was not the best paint for this project. It's actually "puffy paint" which didn't quite get all the texture of the stamps but looked really cool after it dried.




Kind of cool, huh? This is getting a spot on my kitchen wall for now.

Our Senses: Part 1

I recently mentioned how much Maddie and I love to watch Sid the Science Kid on PBSKids. This little science experiment is another Sid-inspired project.
In one episode of Sid, the kids learned about their sense of smell. The teacher filled opaque cups with smelly items, covered them with paper punched with holes. The kids smelled the cups and recorded their guesses of what was inside by drawing a picture in their journals. After the big reveal, the kids drew a second picture of the revealed item.




We tried this with lemon, cinnamon, onion, crayons, and Play-Doh.




Very fancy, scientific set-up-- a mug, some construction paper and masking tape, and then stabbed with a fork. Totally set-up about 2 minutes!




Maddie takes a deep sniff, nose to jar. Then we make some guesses.




She really wanted to look and see, so unwrapping was her favorite part.
A simple tweak to the experiment works for our sense of touch. We tried scraps of different materials all cut to the same size.




Construction paper, felt, fur, sandpaper, egg carton, bubble wrap, aluminum foil, silk... Any textured material can be put in an old tissue box.




I used a piece of black construction paper to help us from peeking.
Then I told Maddie to reach in and grab something soft, something fluffy, something rough etc...




We definitely learned that Maddie's favorite sense is sight! As a three-year-old, she's a little young for this, but that just means we do more lead up. Recently, and especially today, whenever I've used one of the items that would appear in the experiment, we've talked about their smells or textures. I even had her do a little smell test that she did really well with. During our experiment we asked questions like: "Do you think we use this in the kitchen or living room?" Or "what does this remind you of?"
As always, it doesn't really matter if she gets the items right-- it's the process that's fun. And Maddie keeps calling our experiments, "the Science Museum."
Stay tuned to see an experiment for each of the remaining three senses.

Bug Club, Bug Club, Yea... Bug Club!

You will only be able to sing the title of this post if you are a devoted follower of Sid the Science Kid, which I think is one of the best kid shows out there. I love this show and I often get ideas for science experiments just by watching it with Maddie.

One such idea was to create a bug club. Maddie is pretty tom-boyish about bugs, so I thought it might be fun for her to play Sid the Science Kid and have her own bug club.  Then I saw this idea for ladybugs on Pinterest (originally posted on Modern Handmade Child) and I just started jumping off from there.

Here's the finished product:

I made six of the original lady bug bean bags that inspired it all. Then I modified the pattern to make four more bee bean bags and one black spider to which I added a web-string so it can dangle from trees. And then I created four stuffed butterflies and a butterfly net (using one part of an embroidery hoop and some blue tulle. To all of this I added magnifying glasses that I found at Party City, a little notebook for observation recording and we borrow the big binoculars that Maddie loves to use. We stow everything away in an old sand bucket. If you would like instructions on the spider or butterflies, just leave a comment and I'll be happy to share them.

So what pray tell do you do in a bug club? Well the possibilities are endless, but here are just a few suggestions that I have come up with as we have enjoyed our bug club.

• Observe and record
• Identify colors, shapes and numbers
• Play with patterns (lady bug, lady bug, bee, lady bug, lady bug, bee!)
• Play lady bug or bee catch
• Catch butterflies
• Lady Bug/Bee Cornhole, anyone?
• Spider Puppet Show
• Hop-bug obstacle
• Math and Counting Games

Our favorite activity thus far is the Bug Search. I take the bucket while Maddie covers her eyes and I hide all the bugs all over the back yard. Butterflies sometimes end up in trees, the spider dangles from branches -- you never know where bugs might end up! Then Maddie takes out her magnifying glass and starts searching until she finds all the bugs.

And of course, lots of cuddly time talking about what bugs we like and recording what we know about different bugs.

Books for Babies

During a recent trip to the children's section of Barnes and Noble, I found this adorable board book:


Yup, Pride and Prejudice for babies. It's a counting book.


Including cuties like 4 Marriage Proposals and (spoiler alert!)



10 thousand pounds a year. Phew, a happy ending.

It's part of a series called BabyLit published by Gibbs Smith and also includes Romeo and Juliet, Dracula and (gasp!) Jane Eyre. Omg, Literary Auntie, I would buy you the whole series and then we could have a (short) reading party.

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